Wednesday, August 01, 2007

The Grand Undergarment Pyramid and the Mystery of the Disappearing Slip

Ever and anon girls, young ladies and women have worn various undergarments in some form or fashion. For guys the choices are much less taxing and underwhelming. Boxers or briefs right? - and maybe an undershirt - either a wife-beater (sleeveless undershirt) or one with sleeves. Anyone know of any other guy items? For gals the range, choice and variety is as varied as regular clothing. Hence I have developed an undergarment pecking order of sorts:

The Grand Undergarment Pyramid

1. Daily
Items that are worn every day for the vast majority of the western world.
The very basic undergarments consist a bra and underwear (panties).

2. Dress-Up
Added to those two basic necessities would be gear for a more
dress-up occasion: a slip, camisole and either pantie hose,
or (old fashioned yet way sexier than panty hose)
a garter belt and hose.

3. Damn Girl - You're Hot!
(otherwise known as the Jedi Underwear Master)
The third tier in the undergarment hierarchy includes the realm of superfluous lingerie - the vast majority of which I deem to be rather ridiculously priced (the more you pay the less actual clothing you get), uncomfortable and obviously contrived by some sort of fantastical dream of what the perfect female form should be (ie. anorexic supermodel type). I do understand these items are not designed for comfort, seeing as how they are only meant to be worn for a maximum of 5-10 minutes, or until the male that she wore said
"Damn Girl - You're Hot" item for pounces.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying lingerie is a bad thing at all, its just that items in the #2 "Dress-Up" category are of higher value because they are worn more often than the items in the #3 "Damn Girl, You're Hot!" category. Unless of course you are a Victoria's Secret model who only packed items from the "Damn, You're Hot" category and your on the latest photo shoot in some exotic locale rolling around in the sand in your fancy pants, pouting because its supposed to look sexy.

My point? I'm really getting to one here...
The plain old regular #2 tier Slip is disappearing from stores everywhere! I tried to find one a couple weeks ago and found to my dismay none of the normal department stores (JCPenny, Dillards, Parisian, Belk Lindsey, etc.) carry them anymore. You have to order them from a catalog! Even when I inquired the gals in the underwear department were just as perplexed as I was - "We used to carry them but now they're only in the catalog;" a few even said that they'd had multiple people asking for them. So why are slips disappearing from stores? I suspect this is a Victoria's Secret conspiracy to force you into buying a $40 or $50 dollar #3 tier slip that's barely too long or way too short or with itchy lace all over it. Its either that or Nargles.

A slip is really a wonderful thing. They feel nice between you and various itchy fabrics of skirts and dresses, they should run you about $15, they come in ALL different lengths for all sorts of short and long dresses and skirts, they help curb static electricity (even if you use dryer sheets) and most importantly if your white linen skirt is not lined the whole world doesn't have to look straight through it! I know its been a hot summer gals but for crying out load - Get a slip people! Perhaps you want to show off your #3 tier underwear that somehow - through perseverance of mind you've been able to handle the uncomfortable butt-floss wedgie its giving you - but i don't want to KNOW you've managed to become a Jedi Underwear Master.

'Nough said. I am now gracefully stepping down from my "Get a Slip!" soapbox.



At 6:07 AM, Blogger Laura said...

DO YOU KNOW . . .that i actually read in a magazine that it is outdated to wear a slip and not necessary? Stacy London (from What Not To Wear) and a few other "fashion consultants" said that basically, everyone knows you have two legs under your skirt, so whats the big deal? Hmmm. I agree that there are some skirts that are just more comfortable with a slip. But otherwise, I hope that really IS the way things roll now, so that I don't HAVE to. (But i am also not sure that many people listen and agree when words start coming out of Stacy London's mouth!!!)

At 9:12 AM, Blogger Brina Bat said...

Really? Never heard of Stacy London. That's probably some sort of fashion blasphemy, right? I think I'll be old-fashioned and still wear my slips.(and when you wear a slinky dress - no underwear lines!) If I ever meet her I'll have to tell her some people are just stubborn and old fashioned in thinking its sexier NOT to show off everything...through your skirt.

No matter - slip or not - have a good time this weekend!

At 9:24 AM, Blogger Brina Bat said...

Found the reference - looks like she stole it from Lloyd Boston...

"Always wear a slip."
Lloyd Boston: Absolutely not. A little mystery around the silhouette of a leg is not a bad thing. It's not like people don't know you have legs.
Buchman: Never wear a slip, unless you're 120 years old. And not even then. It adds bulk, it adds folds, and it looks tacky if it shows. Put that in the bank.
Lyons: Who wears a slip in this day and age? But women should take a good look at their undergarments and observe what they are doing to their backsides.

Lloyd's a dude. And I guess I'm 120 years old.

At 8:17 PM, Blogger Anne said...

You think trying to find a slip is hard? Try finding the even more elusive pant slip...essentially bloomers made from nylon with a touch of slip-like lace around the ankles. My grandmother wanted a pair a few years ago, and it was uber-difficult!

At 9:34 AM, Anonymous Paul said...

Alas for us males. I have always thought it to be sort of sexy to see a hint of lace from a pretty slip peeking out from under a skirt at a womans knees when she is seated. Maybe that makes me old fashioned. Of course, I don't notice this sort of thing anymore (probably because there are no slips anymore). Comments from other males needed here.


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