Resolution #1 Stay Away from Woody Vegetable Matter

Some number of weeks ago I was enjoying a cup of Campbell's Select Italian Wedding Soup at the office for lunch. I was working a bit and then I'd have a few bites and then I would work some more and then I'd have a few more bites. It was a delicious, that is until I got about half way down. I pulled up the next spoonful and (thankfully) looked down at what I was going to be swallowing in the next second or two. And I see this:


To me it looks like a piece of bamboo. Well I'm pretty grossed out by this and decide that I need to ship the whole mess off to Campbell's - in case they need to do a recall or something. So I drain the soup - dry out the stick - and put the whole container in a box and send it off to Campbell's complaint dept.



Right before I left for Florida I got this letter in the mail - along with about 10$ in coupons which was pretty nice of the Campbell's Soup Co. But there was one thing even better than the coupons for sure; I pretty much doubled over laughing when I read that they'd determined it to be "woody vegetable matter" Well DUH!? Gosh I thought it was "woody tree matter, or woody bush matter, or woody wood matter." I think it would have been a bit more comforting if they'd told me what KIND of vegetable matter. For example: We discovered in irate competitor, Jack Intheb Eanstalk, chopping up his beanstalk and tossing it into our soups because his Cream of Bean Soup just wasn't making it. That might have been a bit more believable than the food technologists' examination:

"What do you think Larry?"
"Well jeepers Joe, it looks like a stick to me."
"We've gost to make it sound official Larry."
"Hmm, why don't we call it woody vegetable matter."
"Yeah Larry that sounds good."
"Is it breaktime yet?"

At any rate, my first New Year's Resolution is still to stay away from "Woody Vegetable Matter."